Kittens and Kunai
by xdreamernumbuhfour
Summary: Drabble series. They were supposed to be cats. Not a group of S-class criminals. She knew she should have taken them to the shelter when she had the chance.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Boredom was a bitch.

It had been two days since my parents went out of country for their job (don't ask me what they're doing. I've no idea) and I've exhausted just about all my sources of entertainment.

I watched all of the movies in our collection that I liked, the ones I hated, and the ones that put me to sleep. My little library was full of books that I knew well enough to recite and, dare I say it for fear that Jashin-sama strike me down, fanfiction had gotten [insert shudder here] _boring_.

Now, while I was wallowing in my zombie state, something quite unusual was happening outside.

As if time itself had paused, everything just. . . stopped.

Of course, I was too busy (wallow wallow) to notice that I was one of the only people still active in the universe.

The other was an ancient old man who was setting a large box down on my front porch. He rang the doorbell and ran off, cackling like the madman he probably was.

As I went to answer the door, I had no idea that the contents of said box would change (screw over) my life forever.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Finding no one at the door really pissed me off. Mainly because I was wearing short-shorts and a tanktop and, it being October, it was very cold.

"Holy shit!" I cried as the cold blasted me through the open door. I quickly slammed it shut again and snatched a throw blanket off the couch and wraped it around me.

This time, instead of opening the door to a potential killer, I peered out the door's small window.

And what did I see? Well, a giant box on my porch, that's what! Curious as a squirrel, I went out to see what it was, wrapped up like a mummy inside my blanket.

I stared at the box, listening to the little noises coming from it, and groaned.

"Not a box of kittens!" There was a great '_rrrrippping_' sound as I tore the tape off and the meows of the furry creatures intensified. I lifted one of the flaps slightly and peered in hesitantly. "Gahh! There's ten of 'em! I can't have ten cats! I've already got two dogs that would try to eat them!"

I stared a bit longer.

One of the bolder kittens, a silvery white one with purplish eyes batted at my fingers unhappily.

My will broke.

"Jashin-sama, damn this cuteness!" I growled, dragging the box inside and out of the cold.

**END OF CHAPTER TWO**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Daww, you're such a cutie!"

Yes, I have been reduced to a cooing lump of a girl by a kitten. But not just any kitten! I was not so weak (Inner Self: _Liar!_).

This particular kitten was the only girl of the bunch and she was blue. _Blue!_ She was also tiny and much softer than all of the other kittens, and that's saying something!

Therefore, her cuteness has completely won me over.

Once I had her out of the box and on the floor with her boys, I looked over all of them curiously.

There were only a few of them that were solid colored. Like the black one with the kinda creepy eyes and the purple eyed white one who won me over.

The others were a bit. . . odd.

Along with cutie girl, there was another blue cat, but this one was larger, lighter blue, male, and had gill-like markings on his face instead of grey spots like the girl. Beside her sat a violently orange tomcat with gray dots covering his body.

There were also two more (sort of) orange cats. The smaller one was more red than anything. He sat by a blond cat with a gray patch around it's left eye. The other sort-of-orange one was almost entirely black, but his head was orange and his face fur seemed to swirl around his right eye.

My little white kitty was sitting by the largest of the bunch, a brown tomcat with stitch markings all over him. And when I say that he was the biggest of the bunch, I _meant it_. He looked like Frankenkitty! He was beating up my white kitty, who was fighting back but still getting his ass handed to him.

"Hey now!" I warned, easily pulling them away from each other. "No fighting! Bad kitties!"

I set them back down and glared.

My scowl quickly melted into a look of confusion as I surveyed them.

"Wait a second, weren't there ten of you guys? Where's the other one?"

As if they were trying to answer my question, they all swiveled around to look at my potted plant in the corner of the room.

Rubbing against it happily, the last kitten gave out a happy, purring growl.

I stared.

"I can see why somebody abandoned you. Y'all are _strange_."

The half white, half black kitten looked up from the plant to stare at me in confusion.

END OF CHAPTER THREE

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks to Jay1997, InvaderXJadeXUchiha, and Moonlight Kyuubi for Favoriting/Story Alerting!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

[Akatsuki POV]

"Right then, it's time to name you guys!"

Everyone stared at the long haired brunette.

"Why the fuck do we need names?" Hidan yowled, tail lashing angrily.

"Yeah! We're not actually cats, un!" Deidara scowled, laying his ears back. A bright orange tail swatted him across the back of his fluffy head.

"The girl is unaware of that. Be polite. As long as she is providing for us, then she is not a threat." Pein ordered, glaring around at all of them (except the girls).

"I think I'll start with the cutie here and the pumpkin ball!" the girl declared, carefully picking up the blue furred female. "Since you're blue and you're little boyfriend looks like he has. . . piercings, you'll be Levy and Gajeel!"

The girl put her down and Konan walked out of the room in embarrasment, refusing to look at anyone. Deidara and Hidan cracked up into kitty laughter and failed to notice as Kisame and Itachi were chosen next.

The brunette pressed a kiss to the tops of their heads and began petting them. Much to Itachi's horror, he found himself purring and that he was unable to stop himself. The girl smiled down at them.

"You can be Jinbe and Ace. Jinbe-sama's a blue fishman and you fit the part since you've got this gill things and Ace was black haired and Jinbe-sama's friend. Ace was also a pyro, but I don't think you'll go setting things on fire, right?"

She put them back down and reached for Tobi and Zetsu.

"Well, it's October and since you're pumpkin faced and you're kind of strange looking, you can be Jack 'O Lantern and Boogie. We'll just call you Jack for short, 'kay kitty?"

Zetsu looked a little weirded out at being called Boogie and Tobi looked delighted with his new name.

"Blond kitty, you and your buddy are next!" the girl cried, clapping her hands together happily.

Deidara groaned. "I hope I get something normal, un. Nothing like Boogie." He shot a grin at Zetsu. The cannibal hissed at him.

_**"I will eat you."**_

"What did I say about fighting?" the girl warned. She scooped up Deidara and his Danna.

"Now then, you're Deidara and Sasori since the authoress can't think of anything else to call you."

There was a great deal of staring at the girl.

"She's crazy, un." Deidara muttered, shaking himself as he moved away from her.

"For once, brat, we agree on something." Sasori sighed.

The so-called crazy girl looked over her new pets and found that only two were still nameless (at least, to her they were). She picked up Hidan and cuddled him happily. The Jashinist struggled for a moment before going limp.

"Bitch," he grumbled. "Put me down! Wait! What're you- guhhh. . ."

With a few strokes of his fur, Hidan was reduced to a lump of goo in her arms.

"Since you're white with strange, reddish eyes, you can be Soul Eater and stitch-kitty can be Stein!" She grinned. "Now I've got my two favorite Soul Eater characters. Now, if I only had a Kidd-kun. . ."

She stood up suddenly with Hidan still in her arms.

"Ack!" the Jashinist yelped, alarmed by the sudden shift.

"Well, kitties! Go explore! My home is your home and all that jazz." she walked down the hallway. "I'ma go check my Facebook."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

_[Normal POV]_

I headed for my room, Soul safely in my arms. The rest of the kittens spread out through the house, poking around their new home curiously.

"Well, Soul-kun," I sighed, kicking the door open. "Welcome to my room. And since I'm obviously playing favorites here, you're the only one allowed in here. Try not to screw it up."

I put him down on the floor and shut the door. I snatched my phone up off my desk and shoved the books on top of my computer off.

My room was simple. A desk, a dresser, bed, and a T.V. hung up on the wall. I only had a few posters put up, mostly of Broadway plays and Halloween themed stuff. However, every surface, and I do mean _every_ surface, was covered in books. Encyclopedias, novels, short story collections, biographies, mauscripts; you name it and I've probably got one or three copies that you can borrow. Most of them were in piles that came up to my knees and some of those books weren't even in English. In fact, the only thing that wasn't covered in books was my rolling chair. I used that thing like a librarian uses a ladder. Anytime that I'm in my room, you can hear me rolling around, trying to find something to read.

I flopped down in my beloved chair and logged onto Facebook as I dialed a very familiar number. The person I was calling just as my FB page started loading.

"Speak, bitch!" a cheerful voice said. I smirked and pressed the phone to my head, grabbing up my journal and thumbing through it for an empty page.

"Yo, Lissa! Are you back in town yet?"

Lissa was my best friend of eight years. Her full name was Melissa Tanith, but she had been called Lissa ever since we started hanging out together when she moved in next door. Over the weekend, she and her family had gone out of state to visit somebody or another and would be getting home sometime today.

"We're almost home." Lissa answered.

"Can you do me a favor? Stop by the store and get some things for me. Somebody left a box of kittens on the porch a few minutes ago and, being the epic softie I am, I couldn't resist keeping them."

Lissa awwed. "How many were there?"

"Ten."

"Momma cat too? Or just the kittens?" I bent down to pick up Soul, who was trying to climb up my leg.

"Just the kitties." Lissa awwed again. She's a very sympathetic person.

"Those poor babies. I'll be over in, like, an hour with collars and kitty food. Wait for me?" I glanced at the computer clock and stood up, Soul in one hand, my phone in the other.

"I gotta go pick up Leilei, but there's a key on top of the door if you get back before I do." I grinned. "Are you gonna stay the night?"

"And miss out on the cuddly kitties?" she asked disbelievingly. "As if!"

"Hasta luego, then!" I laughed.

"Chao!" she chirped.

I looked at Soul, who was looking at my phone warily. I held it up to him so he could examine it.

"It's my phone, sweetie. I call people from it and send messages." Soul looked disgruntled with my baby-talk and dug his claws into the back of my hand to show his displeasure. "That hurts you little shit!" I snapped, putting my phone down and adjusting my hold on him. I growled irritably and grabbed my keys off the dresser as I headed out the door. "Yo! Kittens! I'm going out for a little bit. Break anything and I'll cut you. I'm taking Soul with me." There was a streak of orange on the ground as Gajeel raced in. I stood in silence as he and Soul seemed to have a conversation that consisted of snappish meows. "Freaky. . ."

I backed away slowly and went outside, shivering at the cold air. Once I was in the truck, I cranked the heater up and did a little dance before I got warmed up. Maybe I should have changed clothes first. Oh well, it's not like I'm getting out of the vehicle.

**END OF CHAPTER FIVE**

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><p><strong>AN: I failed to mention this last chapter, but thank you everyone who's reviewed, favorited, or story alerted. I promise that the chapters will get longer and that the story will pick up soon.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

_[Normal POV]_

Have I mentioned that I hate driving? Because I do, really. Call me an odd teenager but driving terrifies me. I'm always thinking that I'm going to hit someone or that someone's going to hit me or that I'll run off the road. So, I tend to drive very slowly.

It took me about twenty minutes to get to the middle school, which was luckily close by. Leilei, my younger sister, was waiting for me by the entrance, clarinet case in hand.

"Come on, come on!" I called. "It's cold and I don't have pants on!" Leilei flushed in embarrassment as some of her male classmates looked at me curiously. I glared at them. "Oi, forget whatever's running through your minds ya' little pervs! I'll sick my cat on you!" I held up Soul for emphasize.

"Can't you just be normal for once?" Leilei sighed as she climbed into the truck.

"Nope!" I answered, popping the 'p' as I set Soul down in my lap. I pulled out of the parking lot carefully and started us on the way back home. Leilei looked at Soul curiously.

"When did we get a cat?" she asked reaching out to pet him. He hissed at her and unsheathed his claws. I frowned at him.

"If you don't keep those things outta my skin, I'm gonna file 'em down and leave you with Buck." Buck was our dog. To be honest, he was the only thing I was worried about the kitties encountering. He was our St. Bernard and, while he was sweet and more likely to drown them in drool than eat them, I don't think that I'll be taking any chances. If they piss him off, he'll chase 'em up a tree and I'll have a helluva time getting them down. I looked back at Leilei. "Somebody left a box of 'em on the porch this morning. There's nine more waiting at home." Leilei looked hopeful.

"Do you think Mom and Dad'll let us keep them?" she squealed, all excited in her early teenage glory. Was I like that when I was thirteen?

"They're out of country for a while; do you really think they can do anything about them? Especially when they don't even know about them?"

We exchanged conspirital looks as we headed home.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile. . .<strong>

_[Akatsuki POV]_

"Everyone spread out and find what you can!" Pein ordered, giving them all 'The Look'.

The ninja-turned-kitties scattered into different rooms with their respective partners. Kakuzu went into the study alone, seeing as his partner was being held hostage by a teenage girl.

The dark haired member of the Zombie Brothers frowned at the unfamiliar territory and leapt onto the back of a chair to get a better view.

The room was set up like any normal study with bookcases full of books, squashy arm chairs, and a large mahogany writing desk. However, appearances could be deceiving. Just look at the kitties! You'd never think they were S-class criminals, now would you?

Kakuzu leapt down from his chair and padded over to the chair that went with the desk. He hopped onto it and looked over the papers on top of the desk.

They were neatly stacked in piles, with photo frames spread out between them. Most of them were of the brunette that found them and a smaller version of her. The younger of the two shared the older girl's dark brown hair, freckles, and green eyes, but her hair was curly and she wore black rimmed glasses.

Kakuzu ignored those pictures in favor of reading through the stacks of paper. Or at least, he **tried** to read them. They were written in some type of code or foreign language he couldn't understand.

The miser growled in frustration and batted them off the desk with his paw. He pounced on one of the pages he knocked to the floor.

Much to his embarrassment, it slid out from beneath him and he fell flat on his face. If only he still had his ninja reflexes!

However, his private humiliation was soon forgotten as he found something he **could** read.

He snatched the paper up and raced back into the living room.

* * *

><p>While Kakuzu was exploring the study, Deidara and Sasori discovered the living room television set.<p>

"Hey, Danna!" the blond bomber called, pawing at the buttons curiously. "What do you think these say, un?" Sasori didn't even glance at him as he poked around the coffee table.

"Since it's a TV, I would bet that it says _'power'_, _'channel_ _up/down'_, and _'menu'_." Deidara shot him a glare as he pressed the largest button, which he believed was the power button.

The sound hit him like a ton of bricks, sending him flying under the couch, yowling and spitting.

"Damn! That was loud, un!"

Sasori snorted at him and turned to watch the Harry Potter movie that was playing.

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" he wondered.

* * *

><p>"These frogs are creepy."<p>

"Hn."

The two ninja kitties stared at the black and green interior of the shower where the plastic frogs were suctioned to the wall.

Drip. Drop.

Itachi glared at the shower head as drops of water trickled down and landed on his head.

Kisame watched as Itachi disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Then he dove beneath the shower head when the Uchiha reappeared in Chibi human form.

**END OF CHAPTER SIX**

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><p><strong>AN: Once again, thank you for the support guys!:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_[Normal POV]_

"So, where are they?" Leilei asked, looking around the living room like she expected them to all lined up and waiting for inspection.

"Probably running around the house." I shrugged, letting Soul down. Once his feet touched the floor, he took off. Where to I'm not sure. "You go check upstairs and I'll look around down here."

"Alright!" she chirped, bouncing off to the stairs. There weren't many places for them to hide up there, just my parents' bedroom and the game room. I headed down the hall first to check the other rooms that had open doors.

"Here kitties! Come out and play!" I frowned as I entered my dad's study. One of the kitties had definitely been in here. "You guys are gonna get me in so much trouble." I groaned, picking all of the fallen documents back up and stacking them neatly on the desk. At least they looked like they were in their right places. Once I was done in there, I checked the laundry room and kitchen. No kitties there so I headed to the bathroom, hoping they didn't accidently turn on the faucet and drown themselves. I moved a little faster with that thought.

THUMP! SQUEAL!

I stopped short when I heard Leilei fall upstairs and looked up at the ceiling.

"Ouch!" she shrieked. I stuck my pinkie in my ear and twisted it a bit.

"Well, there goes my hearing. And my normal day." I sighed and stuck my head in the bathroom to check for kitties before I turned around and headed for the stairs. "Leilei, are you alright?"

"Help!"

Sisters . . . so frustrating.

"What happened?" I shouted as I climbed the stairs, one hand on the banister to keep me steady.

"I got attacked!"

"By the kitties?" I asked in amusement as I turned into the game room and found her lying on the floor. Tied up with the . . . curtains? I blinked at her. "Now how did you manage that?" She blinked up at me tearfully.

"I told you that I was attacked!" she whined, squirming unhappily.

"By what?"

"Them!" she screamed, looking behind me. I whirled around in time to see a rock fly at my face.

"Well, shit."

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><p>Once my unfortunate bout of unconsciousness came to an end, I found myself lying with my hands tied to the banister and a sock balled up in my mouth. I tugged on my bonds and the pantyhose came untied easily. I rubbed my wrists to get the blood flowing again and sat up straight.<p>

There was some kind of banging and squealing coming from downstairs and I heard the familiar sounds of Leilei giggling. I stood and wandered down the hall, head throbbing, to my parents' bedroom.

"Bitch! You're supposed to be fucking tied up!" a high pitched roar came from somewhere by my ankle and then something blunt poked me in the shin. I blinked down at the six-inch Chibi trying to stab me with my mom's toothbrush.

"He's got anger issues!" I heard my little sister snort.

"Uh, what the hell's going on?" I asked faintly, bending down to pick up Chibi!Hidan. He shouted in protest and swung his tiny arms around angrily.

Just like the Hidan from Naruto, he was silver haired, pale, and purple eyed. However, his hair was in disarray all around his face, his Jashinist pendant was missing and he was wearing a washcloth around his waist tied with dental floss. It was . . . odd (to say the least).

"You know those fanfictions you like where the Akatsuki turn into kitties and get stuck with random people?" Leilei gasped, sitting up straight. She was seated on the bed, still tied up by the curtains, and grinning like an idiot. Or Luffy (which is essentially the same thing). "Turns out it can really happen! Our kitties turned into ninja! Just add water and all that jazz."

I stared at Chibi!Hidan for a moment.

"I can accept that, I think. Why are they so small, though?" I asked, waving the tiny Jashinist at her. Leilei just shrugged in response. "What's with the noise down there?" I pointed at the floor with my free hand.

"Lissa showed up about fifteen minutes ago. I'm guessing that they're attacking her." I groaned and dropped Chibi!Hidan on the bed by Leilei's foot. He looked dazed by the sudden drop and simply laid there. It was odd to see him so docile.

"Let's go help her then." I quickly untied my sister and snatched Chibi!Hidan up again, minus the toothbrush. Together, we all headed downstairs, Leilei ahead of us.

"Leave me alone you stupid puppet!" I heard Lissa shriek from the living room. Leilei bounded to the back door and opened it.

"Smart girl." I murmured, stepping back onto the stairs and out of destruction's path.

Buck and Doe, our hyperactive Chihuahua, dashed in and bowled over Leilei before running into the living room to Lissa's rescue.

"Good dogs!" I called, walking into the living room after them. Doe ran over to me and began jumping up and down excitably while Buck barked at the seven tiny ninjas he managed to corner by the cactus. All of them glared at me. "Let's see, I see most of you, but where are Konan-san and Leader-san?"

"Up here." a bored voice called. I looked up to find them sitting on the light fixture above me, surveying the room calmly.

"Hello," I waved. "Buck, go lay down." The big black dog panted happily and left his prey in favor of a warm bed. Slowly, the seven tiny ninja, all wrapped up in various bits of cloth, came out from behind the prickly plant.

"Can I come out now?" Lissa whimpered, peeking over the back of the couch. I looked up at Chibi!Pein.

"Behave yourselves." he ordered his crazy subordinates. The scowling boys piled up onto one of the armchairs and stared at us as we settled down on the couch across from them. I set Chibi!Hidan down on my leg and ran my fingers through his hair like I did with Soul-kun. Now that I thought about it, he was probably Soul. Figures. My favorite cat was my favorite Akatsuki member. I glanced at Lissa and saw her staring at Kisame longingly. The shark man didn't even seem to notice her. Chibi!Pein and Chibi!Konan jumped down from the light fixture and landed on the other armchair.

"So introductions, then?" I asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"I am Pein and this is Konan." The ginger haired leader said solemnly. There was a general murmur of who everyone was before Chibi!Pein spoke again. "However, you already seemed to know that. Explain." It wasn't a question.

"Well, first off, I'm Salem and this is my little sister, Leilanie ("Call me Leilei unless you want to lose an eye.") and my friend Lissa." The three of us exchanged looks before I continued. "And how we know who you are is a bit of a long story." Chibi!Pein looked indifferent.

"We have time."

I sighed.

"Leilei, go get the snacks. Lissa, you know where the DVDs are. Go get them. I'll break it to them real quick."

**END OF CHAPTER SEVEN**

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for the wonderful words of encouragment people!**

**Expect to see the Chibis for quite some time. I'm not quite ready to let them go just yet and the girls don't know how to turn them back to normal.**

**Next chapter: The Akatsuki tell about how they got turned into kitties and the girls.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

_[Normal POV]_

"Holy shit! The Akatsuki are real!"

Insert facepalm here.

"Lissa, your delayed reactions will never cease to annoy me."

"Hey, Bitch!" Chibi!Hidan demanded, tugging on my shirt. "Is she crazy?" I gently moved his hands away from my bust.

"She's a bit like Tobi." I murmured quietly, trying not to disturb the others too much.

We were on the fifth episode of _Naruto_ and the boys and Chibi!Konan were focused on it so much that I thought the TV might break with the force of their stares. They tended to throw things like popcorn and nacho chips when somebody interrupted their viewing, so we (meaning, me, Lissa, and Leilei) tried to be as quiet as we could. They may not look like much, but when those tiny ninja pegged you with a snack food, it fucking hurt! In fact, most of what Leilei had retrieved from the kitchen had accumulated around Lissa, who couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut. Chibi!Kisame had moved over by her and was happily munching on the popcorn.

At least their reactions were amusing.

Chibi!Hidan had reacted as I expected, with lots of swearing and initial curiosity. After the first ten minutes of episode one, however, he got bored and started tying my hair in knots. This didn't work out too well for him. Turns out his weakness is waving him around until he's too dazed to move. Then he was just totally adorable and unusually docile, leaving me free to play with his hair. Manipulative, aren't I?

Chibi!Deidara had reacted in almost the same manner, only his interest in the show only grew. He seemed to like the pranks Naruto pulled. Chibi!Sasori acted in the opposite manner, with a bored look and annoyance at Naruto's antics.

The two tiny leaders of the bunch were as solemn and sweet as they could be expected to be, though Chibi!Pein did seem quite interested in Naruto and asked a few questions about his heritage. I figured that he must be interested in his little relative (they *are* both Uzumakis, in blood at least).

Chibi!Zetsu and Chibi!Kisame's appetites grew the minute the DVD was in the player and commandeered bowls of popcorn for themselves. For some tiny guys they could _eat_!

Once Sasuke appeared on screen, Chibi!Itachi's indifferent exterior dropped a bit and his eyes glued themselves to his little brother's image. I held myself back from cuddling him and, instead, squeezed Chibi!Hidan a little tighter.

Chibi!Tobi quieted down and started radiating a rather frightening air, so we ignored him for the most part until he demanded more candy. Leilei rushed to follow his orders. After that, I promised to keep her and Lissa as far away from him as possible. For Lissa, it would be easy considering that she knew the series as well as I did, maybe even better than me. Leilei hadn't discovered Chibi!Tobi's true identity yet and I didn't plan on telling her unless absolutely necessary. Why scare her?

Chibi!Kakuzu was about as disinterested as his partner and ignored the show in favor of hoarding his snacks away from the others.

"Be quiet, un!" Chibi!Deidara hissed. I rolled my eyes at him and shoved him over with my pinkie finger. He shrieked insult at me as I scooped up Chibi!Kakuzu and headed into the kitchen with him and his partner.

"Bitch?" Chibi!Hidan scowled at me questioningly. I ignored him as I searched for the shot glasses in the cabinet.

"Salem-san, Zetsu and Kisame will eat my food if I'm not there to stop them." Chibi!Kakuzu growled angrily. I turned and met his glare evenly.

"They might."

"So, take me back in there!" he snapped. I set the glasses down in front of the boys and filled them with Mountain Dew.

"I will if you answer some questions for me." I said, filling up a glass of soda for myself. "How did you guys get here?" I looked at them for an answer. Chibi!Hidan shrugged, gulping down his drink and slamming the glass back down in front of him.

"Dunno. More!" I rolled my eyes and obliged him.

"Kakuzu-san?" I murmured, turning my eyes to the miser.

For a minute, we just stared at each other. Green eyes into green eyes. Brunette against brunette. Miser against sadist (me being the sadist)! Eventually, Chibi!Hidan got fed up with it and kicked his partner in the shin.

"Just answer the fucking question you money loving bastard!" Said 'money loving bastard' glared at him and socked him in the mouth.

"How we got here is none of her concern!" he snapped. "She's merely a tool for our survival. Her interest in us doesn't matter!"

His words stung, no matter how true they may be. I decided to be the mature one and not let him see that they hurt me.

"It is my house." I grumbled, poking at him irritably. "If I'm going to house a bunch of S-class criminals, I think that I should have some information about how they got here in the first place. After all, I could dump those criminals out on the street and let them be found by some crazy people who would take you to a lab and do experiments on them until they die." Chibi!Hidan looked uncomfortable with my anger and Chibi!Kakuzu just looked fed up.

"Fine," he sat down on the counter and looked up at me with narrowed green eyes. "It started when this crazy man came into the hideout babbling about fate and the universe."

"He was fucking batshit crazy!" Chibi!Hidan exclaimed.

"Shut up, idiot. We chased after him, to eliminate him so we could keep our hideout secret. We paid too much for it and were too comfortable there to pack up and move." I nodded in understanding. "Finally, Tobi caught him."

"That's where it really got fucked up." Chibi!Hidan took over. "He spazzed out and began throwing all this shitty powder stuff around. Bunch of the shit hit me in the face. After that, it's just a fucking blur for me."

"He managed to knock out the more idiotic guys before we subdued him. By then, it was just Itachi, Leader-sama, Konan-san, Sasori and I. I remember him looking at Itachi and talking about the other Uchiha brat before he started glowing." Chibi!Hidan and I listened to him curiously.

"Did you pass out?" I murmured, absentmindedly playing with Hidan's hair again. Chibi!Kakuzu looked annoyed with me.

"I did not pass out," he hissed, affronted. "I was drugged and knocked unconscious." I smirked.

"So you passed out?" The miser growled at me and swatted my hand away when I went to pat him on the head. "Ah, don't worry Kuzu-chan~! I won't tell anyone that you had a moment of weakness. It'll be our little secret. Now, Hidan-san could go spread it around though. Watch him. He's a killer."

Chibi!Hidan looked torn between amusement and confusion. I grinned.

* * *

><p>Soon, we ran out of DVDs to watch, just short of the Chuunin exams so that they wouldn't figure out too much, and I grinned at Chibi!Pein.<p>

"Believe it?" I laughed. I saw the tiniest twitch of a smile before it was gone.

"There's no denying it." he answered solemnly.

"I'm tired~!" Lissa whined, slumping down and sweeping Chibi!Kisame up in her arms. The blue man looked bemused at being cuddled like a kitten or stuffed doll. Leilei was sound asleep next to her, Chibi!Deidara drooling on her shoelaces. I surveyed the room with amusement and found that just about all of the Akatsuki were either unconscious or near there.

My tiny Jashinist had conked about a few episodes ago along with the blond bomber. The resident weasel had managed to stay wide awake through the entire thing, completely fixated on Sasuke, while his partner drifted in and out of awareness. Beside Chibi!Itachi sat the Akatsuki's puppet, who, not being someone who needs sleep, had no trouble with being tired. My miser sat over to the side with his little food horde, fending off the tireless cannibal and his lollipop of a partner. They were slowing down though and their 'attacks' didn't seem to be as enthusiastic as they were before. The First Lady of the bunch had fallen asleep as well, her head resting on Chibi!Pein's shoulder.

I smiled at the sight of them before getting up and putting Chibi!Hidan and Chibi!Deidara on the couch. They grunted in their sleep and latched onto each other. Lissa snickered at them and stretched contently.

"Are you gonna stay here or go home?" I asked, gathering up my little sister. I was lucky that she was so small for her age. If she was anything like me, she'd be shooting up soon. Lissa yawned.

"Go home, I think. I could take a couple of these guys with me if you want." I looked to Chibi!Pein.

"Is it alright?" He nodded his permission.

"Perhaps you should take Itachi and Kisame. They'll give you the least trouble." Lissa nodded.

"Do you care if I take Dei-kun and Sasori-san?" she asked, allowing the Uchiha to climb into her jacket pocket. "That way you can deal with the rowdier guys." He merely nodded again. Lissa grinned tiredly and she detached the zealot and the bomber while I carried Leilei to her room. The rest of the boys (Zetsu, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Pein) followed me, leaving the sleeping two in the living room. Lissa left for next door with the others in tow.

Once I had Leilei settled in and her shoes off, I directed the Akatsuki to the room across from mine.

"This is the guest room. Since you're all so small, you can just share the bed. I'll leave the bathroom door open for you in case you need it." I explained, clicking the lights on and opening the door to the bathroom. Chibi!Pein turned to me.

"Salem-san," he began. "Thank you for you aid. We might not be able to do much in this form, but we'll do what we can to not burden you so much."

I melted at that and swept him up into a hug.

"Daww, you're so sweet, Leader-sama!" I released him from my hold and set him down on the bed. Red was scrawled across his cheeks, and I ignored it as I helped the others up.

"Leader-sama is right!" Tobi declared and I could practically see the sparkles radiating from him. "Salem-chan is very kind!" I grinned and ruffled his hair.

I might hate Madara, but I absolutely *love* Tobi. Besides, Madara would probably be irritated with the whole hair-ruffle thing.

"Thank you, Tobi-kun." I laughed. "You're a very good boy."

He hooted with delight and started running around the bed, screeching about what I called him. Chibi!Pein gave me a pained look. I shrugged as an apology and went back into the living room for Chibi!Hidan and Chibi!Konan.

Once all of the tiny ninja were settled and in bed, I headed back to my room, intent on getting a shitload of sleep after a crazy day.

Tomorrow, I planned on going to see someone. Someone who was probably insane but he's probably the only person that'll be able to give me an inkling as to how they got here. Too bad that I really can't stand him, though.

**END OF CHAPTER EIGHT**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Everyone, thank you once more for all your support! Also, go check out** DaniZaraki's **fic **_What's Going on Here?_ **She wrote me a wonderful oneshot that stars my OC Noe and Hidan. She's so very awesome! ^_^ And read her stories **_Consider Yourselves Kitties _**and** _Man, I Miss the Kitties_**. They're the perfect reading choice for kitten!Akatsuki.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Kittens and Kunai**

**Chapter Nine**

_[Lissa's POV]_

My morning routine had been blown to hell. Literally.

"Fuck!" I bellowed, bolting out of bed and upstairs. Yeah, the basement is my domain, much to my brothers' chagrin. It was the biggest room in the house, had a bathroom, cable and it was all mine! Mwhahahaha!

Being the only girl of five kids ruled sometimes.

"What the-"

"Hell is going-"

"On?" my brothers Michael and Miles groaned in unison, dragging their lazy, identical butts into the kitchen.

I hastily put down the fire extinguisher and stuffed the cause of the explosion, a tiny blond chibi, into my pocket before my brothers could see him and start asking questions. Because that would just be awkward.

"I was cooking breakfast." I sighed. Miles snickered at me as he opened a window to help clear out the smoke. Michael leaned on me heavily.

"Mel," he began, using my much hated nickname. "Why do you even bother trying when you know you can't cook?" I gave him a flat look.

"Haha, you're so funny Mikey." He just grinned at me, a dimple popping on his cheek.

"Mel, have you been trying to cook again?" a deep voice rumbled from the living room. I slumped as the twins' cackles.

"Matt, leave her alone." another, kinder voice commanded.

Matthew was the oldest and the bulkiest of us. I was the closest to him in appearance. Stocky and blonde.

Marcus, the kindest of us, was tall, dark haired, and wiry like the twins, but significantly less mischievous. He wore glasses too. It was like having my personal Yukio Okumura.

But anyways, back to my screwed morning.

"Dammit, Deidara!" I snarled as I entered my safe haven from my brothers. Honestly, the twins should have moved out already. They need to hurry up and get their asses to college! "What the hell were you thinking?"

The tiny blond glared at me as the other three chibis climbed up onto the bed beside him.

"Shut up, un! You destroyed my art!"

"You blew up the stove!" I hissed, collapsing into my armchair and crossing my arms. "Good God, it's too early for this shit!" Kisame-sama leapt onto my knee and prodded my thigh in an attempt to be . . . soothing(?), I guess. It didn't help much.

"Don't worry yourself too much, Melissa-chan." the tiny shark man rumbled. "Deidara's just a bit uncontrollable." I snorted. More like destructive and annoying.

"Melissa-san, perhaps we should regroup with Leader-sama before anything else gets destroyed." Itachi suggested dully. I sighed and dropped my arms.

"Alright then." I put Kisame-sama back on the bed and rummaged through my closet for something to wear. I headed into the bathroom so I could shower and change in privacy without fear of little perverts. When I came back out, I donned my Dib-coat and loaded them into my pockets. "Let's go annoy Salem!"

* * *

><p>We didn't get around to annoying her like I hoped we would. She was tougher than that and exceptionally laidback. It was almost irritating.<p>

Leilei and I introduced the Akatsuki to the world of fandom. This included carefully selected videos that embarrassed the hell out of some of them. I was a bit paranoid about picking something that revealed too much, so we just showed them stupid videos of them doing weird dances and Salem got a kick out of watching, 'Hidan meets a dinosaur'. Hidan-san, on the other hand, wasn't quite as amused. He thought God should be replaced with Jashin. Pein then proceeded to Gibbs slap him and announce that _his_ name should be the one in the song. What with him being 'god' and all. (Insert Lissa's eye rolling here...)

We even had them watch the abridged episode where Itachi-san and Kisame-sama were introduced. They seemed to be scarred by it. Leilei took advantage of their distraction and drew a mustache on the shark-man's face. With a washable marker though. This sent most of the others into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Once he snapped out of it, the rough ninja just laughed good naturedly and asked to be taken to the bathroom to wash his face off.

This led me to now.

"Here you go, Kisame-sama." I said while handing him a dry washcloth, not unlike the black one he was wearing like a toga.

I got a mumbled 'thank you' in return, but I didn't mind. A thanks was a thanks! Instead, I surveyed the tiny ninja and his strange attire.

"What?" Kisame-sama asked, looking extremely weirded out by my staring. I grinned at him, not helping the situation.

"I've got an idea." I darted out of the bathroom and back into the living room, leaving Kisame-sama alone and confused. I threw my arms up into the air as I darted into the room. "I'm gonna make you all clothes!" I announced, proud of myself for thinking up something so ingenious. Everyone except for Tobi-chan and Leilei gave me a blank look.

"Cooool!" Tobi-chan squealed, throwing himself at my ankle and hugging it. I grinned at him.

"Do you want some help, Lissa?" the youngest person in the house asked green eyes wide.

"Sure!" I hummed, skipping back to the bathroom with her to retrieve the sewing kit from beneath the sink. I scooped Kisame-sama up and carried him and Tobi-chan (who was still clinging to my leg) into the laundry room where all the fabric was.

"What's gotten into you?" Kisame-sama asked, half-fearfully. I guess the other half was curious. But, I'm not a mind reader.

"Nothing, I'm like this all the time!" I stated proudly, placing him on my shoulder so I could carry my part of the load. We reentered the living room, dumping the bright and dark fabrics on the coffee table and sitting our lazy asses on the us half-interestedly. "Wanna help, buddy?" I offered her a needle and thread. The freckle faced girl waved me off with a smile.

"I'm not into that kind of stuff." she laughed. I puffed my cheeks out and gave her my Squirrel Look.

"Bookworm! Nyah!" I blew a raspberry at her.

That earned me weird looks from the majority of the Akatsuki.

"Fine then, no fast food for you!" she declared. MY face fell in mock horror.

"Noes! My WcDaniels!" I laughed and set Kisame-sama down on the floor. He ran off with the more immature members to cause havoc and pain somewhere else in the house. Probably seeking revenge on the poor doggies. "Seriously though, are you gonna go get us all breakfast?"Salem shrugged.

"I don't feel like cookin', so yeah. Whaddya want?" Leilei and I placed our orders and then we turned to Leader-sama and Konan-hime. "Should I just get something general for you guys?" Salem asked, raising an eyebrow. Leader-sama nodded.

"That would be the best course of action."Salem grinned.

"Alright then, off to the WacDaniels by the hospital!" she sang, grabbing her keys and heading out.

It was only after she left that I understood her secret message.

The WacDaniels by the hospital was also by the private boys' academy,St. basically telling me that she was going to see HIM. I frowned internally, wondering why she would willingly associate with HIM, and held up a roll of hot pink fabric.

"So," I beamed. "Who's going first?"

Leader-sama and Itachi gave each other identical blank looks of horror. Mwhahaha!

**END OF CHAPTER NINE**


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